No marriage snaps suddenly.
Instead break ups are effects of gradual offences allowed to grow to heights which one or both partners find unacceptable.
Yesterday, you loved to be together but today you always have something to do without your lover.
Some put work, friends, children, money and extended family members ahead of their marriage.
You argue about the same problem over and over again without a solution.
You then withdraw as you refuse to discuss the issue again. You build hurt and distrust.
The urge to give up is high but the thin line between marriages that work and those that fail is the determination of partners to save their marriages at all cost.
How to save your marriage
Have a positive mental attitude about your marriage: Nothing good will come to you except what you put in your mind.
If you see your relationship as good and worth keeping, your efforts would produce good results.
Have a clear idea of your problems because that solves half of them.
Put the focus on yourself and see what you can do better.
Your partner cannot make you happy. Only you can.
Avoid the blame game and accept your part of the problem: A relationship is a two-way dance.
If you put all the blame on your lover and expect him to change first, you put the solutions out of your reach.
On the other hand, if you take first step to work at your problem and see what you can do differently and better, your relationship will improve because your partner merely reacts to what you do.
This means most of the time it takes one committed partner to fix a relationship.
Women must appreciate that men see taking the first step as a sign of weakness and may not do it.
This means that if your man is not doing anything about your problems, it simply means that he expects you to take the first step.
If you do, he will follow you. Men and their ego!
Appreciate your differences: You would always have problems because men and women are different mentally, socially, emotionally, financially, spiritually and sexually.
The fact that you have problems, therefore, does not mean there is something wrong with it.
Focus on the good things in your marriage and keep encouraging each other.
Communicate effectively: Choose words of hope, faith, respect, love and affirmations.
Learn to listen to your lover’s complain with empathy and openly discuss your concerns.
It is also good you learn to apologise even when it may not entirely be your fault.
Forgive unconditionally: Always remember nothing fixes a relationship better than forgiveness.
It is a magical cure for your marriage.
In addition, anytime you forgive, you heal yourself mentally, physically and spiritually.
Be bold, save your marriage
The Danube River rises over the slopes of Germany’s Black Forest and courses through 10 nations on its way to the Black Sea, some 2897 kilometres from the beginning.
It goes through very contrasting conditions including romantic fairways, befouled pollution, fairways and wildlife but it does not stop. It keeps going to the end.
See your marriage or relationship as Danube River.
There will be times of romance and times of conflicts and pain.
There will be times when you love to move on and times when you want to give up.
All marriages and relationships are like the Danube River.
The difference is your determination to move on.
Be strong and refuse to give up. Brave it out in all situations.
Make a way where there is no way, going under, over or through the obstacles of life.
Stay focused on your journey and have the resilience to win.
Your journey can be happy and exciting.
Develop the motto of my people, the Kwahus or asase aban who say yente gyae (we know no stopping) or one of our local football teams; ‘yenko nkoaa’ (let’s keep going).
Let there be no stopping, surrendering, parking or retreat in your relationship or marriage.
Fact is saving a failing marriage can be extremely tough.
No wonder today global studies show 60 per cent of all marriages break down.
The good news is that studies show 99.9 per cent of all marriages can be saved.
This means many people leave their marriages needlessly because they have the myth of living happily forever.
Today some studies suggest 90 per cent of partners who leave their marriages regret their action.
Marriage is however the most difficult work for life, and, therefore, harder than ‘wo ara tu wo ara sa’.
However, if you work on your marriage it will work.
A marriage psychologist says divorce is like surgery without anesthesia and with the pains never going away.
This means divorce has never been a solution but the problem.
You must therefore constantly work on your marriage to enjoy its amazing benefit.
Happily, it takes one committed spouse to turn a failing marriage around. Let it be you.
Studies show partners who stay in difficult marriages and work on their problems to save their marriages are happier than those who leave their marriages.
This means as soon as you see signs of conflicts, work on it to capture your lover’s mind, heart and soul.
Do all it takes to save your marriage before it breaks.
Be bold, save your marriage.
Stay married and stay blessed.
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